Thursday, August 19, 2010

Beyond Words

This is probably the 20th time I've started this post....I keep deleting and re starting...so many emotions (mad, sad, horrified and shocked to name a few) and I'm afraid I won't do it justice. However, there's too much to say and I can't let it go without a rant, so forgive me if I ramble as I'm using this post to get some stuff off my chest....


I'm no stranger to tragedy....I've lost loved ones to sickness and accidents way too early in their (and my) lives, witnessed Sept 11th first hand, and have followed stories of devistation across the world whether it be from war or weather or bad luck and I've somehow come to understand that "this is part of life". I have come to terms with all of it, tried to see the silver lining and have moved on hoping that each experience has made me a better, stronger person.


Five months ago a co-worker of mine received the horrifying news that his 6 month old baby boy, Declan, was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer. Upon getting the news, their family and friends mobilized into action with support, whether it was helping out with their other children, cooking, organizing fundraisers, or whatever else was needed to get the job done and focus on the best outcome for the baby. Declan's parents even started a blog to document the journey they were about to embark on and to keep family and friends aware of Declan's progress. In the aptly named http://www.declansjourney.com/ we learned about the form of cancer Declan was diagnosed with (AT/RT or Atypical Teratoid Rhabtoid Tumor), the treatment options available, the surgeries he endured and the feelings his parents, brothers and other family and friends were dealing with. I have been an avid follower of Declan's Journey. I have been inspired by his fight. I am in awe of his parents Stan and Sherri, for their strength, energy, compassion, generosity, selflessness and faith. As a parent I can't possibly imagine how it feels to hear the words "cancer" and "baby" in the same sentence. I can't fathom the magnitude of the decisions they had to make on their son's behalf out of sheer desperation and undying love. I'm mad that an innocent child was affected by such a disgusting disease. And I loathe the idea that they had to go through all of it for the absolute worst possible outcome....losing a child has to be the single worst experience anyone should have to endure. They did all of it with grace and poise and I am forever touched that they shared their story with us. In reading some of the thousands and thousands of comments on their blog and Facebook pages one message reigns superior....Declan's Journey touched every single person following his story. It's amazing to me that this baby reached so many lives in such a short amount of time.


Declan has reinforced my belief in living my life to the fullest, without regret, to always look forward and to be continually grateful for all of my blessings. There's a paragraph in the book "Eat, Pray, Love" that touched me from the moment I read it. I think it can be used in different contexts for different people, and I think it's appropriate in this setting. "People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it."


Declan....you were a soul mate for so many. Thank you for coming into my life and reminding me how important it is to have many soul mates, whether they're friends, family or people I didn't even personally know, like you. You will live on through the people you touched and most of all through your parents and your brothers. Rest in peace sweet angel.

Declan Black Carmical Aug 26, 2009 - Aug 18, 2010.

14 comments:

  1. I can't remember how I saw Declan's Journey on Facebook, but, unlike my typical self, I became a member.

    I avidly and excitedly read each update, knowing in my heart that he would always be ok. I couldn't believe what I read the other night and here I am doing google searches on his name, because I just can't believe this little boy I never met is gone.

    Declan made more of an impression on my heart than I could have guessed. His parents have proven to be some of the most amazing and resilient people and have inspired me nearly as much as Declan.

    Thanks for writing this.

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  3. I am typing a response through tears (and with one hand) as I hold my 6-month old son...I absolutely love what you have written. So eloquent and true. What this family has endured, no family should have to, and my heart breaks deeply for people I have never met.

    Declan's Journey has made me step back and realize that I have been taking my children for granted, worrying about non-important things like laundry and Facebook.

    Anyone could be taken from us at any second, but it's our children who matter the most. Declan's Journey reminded me to unplug when I get home from work until the babies are put to bed, for in our last days, we may regret working too much, but we will never regret spending too much time with those we love.

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  4. You said it perfectly...

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  5. i too lost a son at 22mos he had 4 open heart surgeries and was my joy. my only son it is 12yrs later and i still can scream and cry it doesnt really go away. this family is in my prayers often

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  6. Well said and communicated exactly what I've been feeling inside as well. thank you for bringing Declan into my life and sharing him with me! God Bless you and Declan's family.

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  7. I couldn't have said it any better. Too often we allow the every day life to get us off track of what is most important. Declan's Journey brought me back to another little one that I was involved with a few years ago who also lost her life to cancer. So very tragic. May we all remember to keep our family close, spend more time with them. For what matters most? God Bless you little Declan, you have made the world a better place. To Declan's family, we continue to pray for peace and healing. You are never far from our thoughts.

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  8. In each of our lives God has a purpose and a plan. Often when you hear of a child who is sick you wonder hmm, what could the purpose or plan be here, and why? I can't say that I have ever lost a child but I do believe that God's plan through this little guys journey was to show us the strength and courage of 2 parents who loved/love their son enough to share their emotional journey with the world. Through this journey God has blessed peoples lives in many ways. Maybe it brought back together a broken home, encouraged others struggling with cancer, helped some to trust God with EVERYTHING knowing that he knows whats best for us, whatever you learned or how ever Declans journey has inspired or touched you God's loving hand was in it each step of the way. Remember that each day is given through the Mercy of Jesus Christ and is a blessing cherish and loves those people God has placed in your life though they may only be there for a brief season through salvation we can have eternity with them & Declan who now rests in his heavenly fathers arms. May God bless and comfort his family and friends during this difficult time.

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  9. krista, you've always been a good voice of the people... couldn't have been said any better. thanks for "introducing" me to Declan and his amazing family.

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  10. I have been reading Declan's Journey for the past 5 months. I do not even know the family, although my son-in-law knows the Carmical's. I was crying last week when Declan died, because not only was it senseless by the grace of Declan's parents and family was more than of us would be able to muster. I will never forget Declan.

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  11. Wow what a powerful article Krista, thank you for sharing that. I have been following Declan's Journey for 5 months now and after having a daughter go through a horrific 13 month hospital stay with cancer I felt this family's joy after each procedure that provided hope and I felt their deep hurt, down to the bottom of your soul when things turned for the worse. I must say they handled this tragic situation with grace and love, I was a single parent at the time of my childs illness, so it was a very lonely journey for me. I was so happy they had each other, and they love each other and they love Declan, that would always shine through. That little boy snapped me back into reality, what really is important in life? It's the love that you give, the love that you get that makes everything worth while. That little boy showed so much love, throughout his illness, it brings tears to my eyes. What an awesome family they are, we can all learn lessons from Declan and his family, love comes first!!

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  12. Wow!! Thank you everyone for the kind words, comments and stories...they're greatly appreciated and encouraged!!

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